Imagine if the word ‘gay’ didn’t exist; what would that be like? If there were no easy, all-encompassing label for a diverse and disparate group of people – it would be harder to lump us all together and to discriminate against.
If there were no such term as ‘gay’, people would have to work a bit harder when voicing their prejudice or making malicious jokes. How can you use the word for something as an insult if the word doesn’t exist?
‘Gay’ as a description of someone’s sexuality hasn’t been around that long, relatively speaking, anyway. Phrases come and go and words change their meaning, and ‘homosexual’ just isn’t snappy enough to be a serious challenger in our abbreviated, tweeting times.
I was sat listening to two teenage girls on the bus the other day – actually, I was trying NOT to listen to them, but didn’t have much choice… as they swore, giggled, bitched, gossiped about boys and used ‘gay’ in every other sentence as a substitute for ‘uncool’, it made me realise that kids aren’t being homophobic, they’re just evolving the language.
I don’t see how these particular girls could be anti-gay because they talked over their suspicions that one of their male friends might be gay – yes they joked about it, but it was done affectionately and they definitely didn’t see it as a negative thing.
I know there’s a lot of debate at the moment about kids using ‘gay’ as a negative label, but I really think some are missing the point: they’re not using ‘gay’ as a homophobic slur; rather they’ve subverted its meaning.
And why not let them have it? For a word that’s caused so much trouble and played right into the haters’ hands, why are we so precious about it and clinging on so hard? We did, after all, co-opt the word ‘gay’ in the first place.
The way youngsters liberally scatter the word into conversation reminds me of a child that’s just learnt a naughty word and keeps using it to get a reaction and because it’s funny to the child.
And it is a new word to a lot of people, because society at large has only just started talking openly about gays. So you could see it as kids trying it on for size.
It’ll be interesting to see where next for ‘gay’ and if a new word enters the popular consciousness to describe same sex fanciers – suggestions on a postcard please. For now, however, if you’re stuck for a label, just call me ‘Joe’.
I’m afraid Valentine’s Day usually gets a shrug from me: until they make a ‘Happy Gay Wedding Anniversary’ card I don’t see why I should prop up this cynical, hetero, cash-in.
To steal a phrase from a famous sportswear brand, when it comes to gay sex, all those curious guys just need to do it!
Out of the office
I remember starting a call centre job with a load of other phone jockeys and on Day 1, while doing intros, this guy got up and announced to the group that he’s gay – steady, they only wanted your name!
I’ve been in my new job a few weeks now and have yet to drop into conversation the fact that I’m dating a guy – I’ve sidestepped this little revelation by referring to Rich only as “my partner”. Incidentally, when did straight people start using our conversational get-out-clause? Several people at work have been using this non-gender-specific description when talking about their loved ones, which has been a real red herring.
To tell you the truth, I’m quite enjoying the ambiguity I’m giving off – as soon as they know I’m gay it won’t be as much fun. There’s another new guy in the office who started at the same time as me and he’s always fishing, but without him asking directly if I’m gay, it’s all too easy to play this game of cat-and-mouse.
I think it’s best to just let these things come out naturally – we’ve got a work social coming up and a relaxed environment with alcohol is usually a good place to open up to colleagues – often you can learn more about someone you work with in one night at the pub than a whole year, side-by-side in the office.
The funny thing is I heard myself on an answer phone message the other day and I can’t believe how gay I sounded! Hopefully that’s just me being paranoid – I can’t be that obvious, otherwise people at work wouldn’t be in the dark.
On the other hand, this guy I mentioned is a very big, burly, macho-looking, married type. If you met him in a dark alley you’d make a quick retreat and probably would want a refund on that gay travel guide. In some ways he seems a very traditional bloke, but then he’s also got this progressive side to him too – he loves cooking, he watches girly movies and his local pub is very gay-friendly – apparently the ‘new man’ is not dead.
What with me trying to sound a little less gay and this guy working on his feminine side, we’ll hopefully meet somewhere in the middle (and not down a dark alleyway).