One of the precautions of being in a relationship is being on old boyfriend alert while out and about with current boyfriend. We’ve both been torpedoed by ex’s while out in town, admittedly me more than him. There are several categories of ex-boyfriends/shags that you are inevitably going to run into at some point, some less welcome than others.

There are always the guys that you had more than a one-night-stand with but less than a relationship, and these are always tricky because they’re gonna acknowledge you and you feel obliged to acknowledge them, maybe just a passing “hello” – trouble is these guys can stack up and they always invite the question, “so, how do you know him?” To which the usual response is, “just a friend of a friend,” which never comes off as convincing, but you don’t want it coming across that every guy you come across you had cum across. Worse than that, though, are the one-time fucks that you would like to erase completely from memory, but the freakiest of which will make eyes of recognition at you in the street, which again raises questions that you certainly don’t want to answer.

At least these are just hit-and-runs. Then there’s the lesser-spotted serious ex, a rare bread, but a dangerous one too. When you bump into an ex with baggage, while out with your new beau, you know you’re gonna have to stop, make introductions and small talk, while all three of you are working overtime reading between the lines.

I can count my serious relationships on two fingers (appropriately!) and I haven’t seen either of them for a while, but I was out with Richard last weekend when we collided with his last boyfriend, also a Buddhist, and a bit crusty around the edges. I have heard about this guy from Richard, sometimes in a sentence containing “Jem and me..” which isn’t a healthy sign. But anyway, I met this guy and they chatted for a few minutes, while I acted out the part of mildly interested, casually-paying-attention boyfriend, smiling at anything lighthearted and frequently looking away at passers-by.

Jem avoided eye contact with me and looked a lot less comfortable than Rich, talking less and the first to say he had to run, while Rich seemed keen to carry on with the chat – so now i know who did the dumping in that relationship! I wanted to ask questions afterwards, but didn’t want the answers, so just asked a few things about Jem that wouldn’t fill in too many blanks.

The biggest question it left me with is why would Rich date two such different guys? And it’s made me even more aware of how different Rich and me are. And is he actually over his ex? I tell you, it’s a minefield out there!