I’ve been seeing Richard a couple of weeks now and last night, after a marathon sex session – the sort that you can only have at this early stage in a relationship, after you’ve become confident enough to be as dirty as you like, had time to get to know what they like, and while you’re still as hot for them as when you first met – we got to talking in our cosy under-the-sheets, post-sex haze about previous partners and sexual history.

This is one of those inevitable, unavoidable hoops to jump through early on in a relationship, and can be a make-or-breaker – answer incorrectly and the trap door opens to remove you as a contestant in the dating game show. And as Richard gave me a history lesson, I could picture him above that trap door as it inched further and further apart.

Turns out he identifies as bisexual and has had proper relationships with women, not just sex – I always find the credibility of a claim to fancying women is shaken somewhat when you’ve just spent an hour being pleasured by having a cock up your arse, but I can live with that; at least the number of guys he’s been with is about double the number of girls. Another revelation is that he generally goes for older guys, which made me feel great! (I’m 5 years older, which also came as a surprise as I had assumed he was my age, and certainly older than… let’s just say early twenties, as I don’t want you working out my age!).

As Richard talked about his previous sexual partners, I couldn’t help the impression that he was gradually working through some pre-defined ‘to-do’ list of people types: older woman with kids; middle-aged manager; French waiter; former Buddhist priest; drag queen! – The tourist. You can see why I became a little nervous about what was coming next. And I’ll admit to feeling a bit blind-sided – I’ve always thought of myself as being pretty adventurous when it comes to sex and sexual partners, but now I was feeling like the boring conventionalist (look it up, it is really a word!).

I’m not quite sure why, but it felt like he suddenly had more power in the relationship, maybe because he has so many options open to him and I could be nothing more than a nice stop over with a pretty view on his tourist trail. It also made it harder to know how to wow him in bed – how can I compete with a straight, tantric sex practicing, transsexual dwarf, or whatever…? All I could do was turn him over, spread his cheeks and give him my version of a ‘rough guide’.