At my work, I have recently been on the end of two very different types of inward gay discrimination, and I find both very curious, but they seem to be specific to gay men.

The first kind is slightly more explicable and involves the new kid at work, an obvious homo from the start, wearing his gayness on his sleeve, and just about everywhere else. He’s very early twenties, very sure about his sexuality, but far less sure about his sociality – one of those lads that’s bought into an off-the-shelf image without really exloring his personality.

So this guy came across very awkward, and made little effort to mix with the rest of us outside of his job, disappearing at lunchtimes and never accepting the offer of an after-work drink. Like most people, I took a disliking to this guy, mistaking his offish, office behaviour as unfriendliness, rather than inseccurity. However, for a little while, I did make more effort than most, but after a couple of occassions when my attempt at conversation was met with suspicion, little response and downright hostility, I gave up.

Now, that was that, until I spotted this guy out clubbing at the local gaypitt, whereupon having spied me, he came over, all smiles; leans in for a kiss (on the lips! – I hate that), which completely took me by surprise, and introduced me to his much older friend. I guess the alcohol had something to do with it, but he couldn’t get his words out quick enough – now he wanted to talk, asking me all sorts and giving me his lifestory. I don’t think it had occured to him before that I might be gay, having a very narrow view of what that is, but it felt like now I was on-side, but I was only ever being polite and we have absolutely zero in common, so I got away as fast as I could.

The trouble is, now that we’re on the same team, as far as he’s concerned, it’s like I’m working with a different person and a new best mate; always asking me about my nights out, Rich and filling me in on his shennanigans. But all I wanted was some superficial politeness – I don’t want an overnight buddy and he still doesn’t get that we have little common ground. Basically, he’s got such a warped view that sexuality is the common denominator, with no consideration of individual personality – before I was gay in his eyes, I was on the outside, but now I’m on the inside. But I don’t want to be either.

The other situation at work I find more sinister – I have a new manager via an internal promotion and I have never liked this guy, not that I’d ever had much to do with him before, just things I’d heard from people working below him. To put it bluntly, the guy is a Nazi and seems to take sadistic pleasure in undermining and humiliating people; he is the first to point out failure while seldom praising success. One of his things is to bark at people if they dare loosen their tie or have the slightest bit of shirt untucked. For some reason he is particularly harsh to his gay staff, including myself, and always gives us the crap work and the most telling-offs – if this sounds like school, that’s because it feels like it. There’s no point in arguing back because he loves that and takes pleasure in using all his verbal weapons to put you in your place. There are a couple of women in our team whom he confides in and gives preferential treatment, basically enjoying a good bitch with them, but if he sniffs you out as a homo, you’re in for a tough time, to the point where you think is this guy pushing me to quit? Oh, and did I mention he’s a out-and-out poof?

I don’t understand it – it’s not like he’s trying to hide anything as his sexuality’s never been a secret and I don’t think it’s a personality clash because the gay staff under his whip are a right assortment. Maybe it’s like the cliche of the fat boss who’s a bitch to all the pretty girls in her employ. But then this guy’s not bad looking and takes care of himself, if a few too many lunchtime botox sessions.

So, at work at least, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Sometimes I wish I was that fat girl in the office with the great sense of humour, who everybody loves but no one wants to fuck…