Holding hands – I just don’t get it. Apparently it’s a sign of affection and commitment, displaying to your partner and the rest of the world how in love you are and what an impenetrable bond you share together, but doesn’t that designer watch I bought for his birthday do that just as well?

I’ve never seen the point in holding hands with a partner, not for any reasons of fear or repression, it just always strikes me as over-the-top and a bit vomit-inducing; and I feel the same whether a couple’s gay or straight.

Sometimes, however, it seems that holding hands when you’re in a same-sex relationship takes on new meaning, demonstrating defiance and your own little piece of gay pride in the face of disapproving on-lookers, but as I’ve explained to Rich, we don’t need to hold hands to shout out to the world we’re doing each other! I know how I feel about Rich, and hopefully he knows too, and I don’t need to make contrived hand gestures to make it real. It’s almost as bad as those couples that feel the need to have tongue sex in public spaces – hey guys, we don’t need proof that you’re more than friends.

And while it might be nice for the two people in the grip of love, it’s no fun for the rest of us having to avoid being caught in their arm-net and having to navigate the loving-couples-assault-course on a Saturday – when did they pass a law giving hand-holding couples the right of way on pavements?

I remember holding Rich’s hand one night, very drunkenly making our way back to mine (I also remember the homophobic insults from passing cars) and it was sweet, but that’s the kind of thing you do on those first few, euphoric dates.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not completely unromantic, but I would like to give the finger to holding hands.