Well a new year, and a new ex-boyfriend! Rich and me broke up over Christmas; well rather we just about managed to limp through Christmas, stress everywhere, but by New Year’s Eve we both new the game was up.
We wore our smiles and pulled off our best ‘guys in love’ routine for the cameras, not wanting to dampen the celebrations, but the next day we ended it.
What is it about New Year and breaking up? My last big relationship had the same finish line – although we didn’t officially split until March, New Years was when I felt it in my heart; my head just took longer. I think it’s definitely not wanting to be alone at Christmas, so head in the sand, then come all the introspection of New Year followed by the desire for fresh things, it’s out with the old and in with the new possibilities.
It’s a mixture of emotions at the moment: my emotional barometer swings wildly between missing Rich and all our little habits together, and the excitement of what the new year might bring. At just under a year, our relationship wasn’t so long that I’ve lost all memory of my single life before, so it will be much easier to slip back into. I feel worse for Rich, because he had more or less moved in, making himself homeless in the process, so he’s sofa-surfing at the moment. On the other hand, his daily routine doesn’t have the associations or bring back the memories of us like mine does.
At least we’re still mates – for now – and there is always the consolation prize for ex-ing, which is that one, last bonus fuck, after the break-up’s sunk in and the realisation that you’ll never screw this person again has taken over. And the sex is, annoyingly, better than you ever remember, because not being attached anymore frees everything up; you can junk a load of that old baggage and just get down to it; it’s like sex when you first met, but not, because now you know what each other likes and what you really want to do to them, so it’s even better. The only sticking point is kissing – is it okay to? or is that crossing the line? It’s weird how fucking an ex can feel uncomplicated, but kissing is getting too close.
Anyway, you can probably guess that we collected our ‘bonus’ on New Years Day… then again the day after… then twice more since then. I will give it up… soon, I promise!