Sound of an ancient, creaking crypt door slowing opening; the clawed fingers of a cold, dead hand appearing from behind, and the spine-chilling, raspish laughter of a nearly present ghoul hitting the cool, misty air… yes, it’s time to resurrect my blog from the grave, or in 21st century movie parlance, give it a reboot.
But how to recapture this blog’s lost youth and freshness within an ever growing and competitive gay blog scene? It’s not as young, mysterious and untouched as it once was and there are less experienced but wide-eyed and youthful blogs stepping out and tempting tired eyes with their brashness, innocence, naivety and perkiness – oh yes, it’s all so wonderful and different in the beginning with so many readers wanting to be the first to sample your column inches, but have they got the stamina to last the distance?
Well I have a few tricks in my toolbox: I could go for the obvious botox option and remove those bad lines, but then I might inadvertently remove some important expressions. Liposuction is another option; that way I could take any excess fat from my posts and inject it into the header; or how about a front page lift and stretch the blog across the width of the screen?
No, no, all a bit extreme at this stage and I’m certainly not ready for invasive surgery just yet. There are more natural methods to improve the attractiveness of my blog: I might beef things up by bringing a bit more weight to the issues or go for the lean look, but I think I’ll play to my strengths and rely on my charm and knowledge to beat those young upstarts and win through – well, either that or I’ll just fall back on the length of my column.