There inevitably comes a time in most gay relationships when one of you pops the question: ‘what do you think about threesomes?’. In a post-shag haze at the weekend, this topic came up and I was surprised by the response I got.

But, to start on a tangent: in a perverse kind of way, I always have amazing sex with Rich if:

a) we’ve had a blazing row; and
b) he’s drunk!

This happened on Saturday night – rather, I should say Sunday morning – after Rich rolled in much later than he said, reeking of beer and cigarettes and putting all his energy into keeping vertical and not sounding drunk. Of course, the usual ‘you could have texted to let me know’, ‘who were you with’ etc were flying fast and loose and we both stormed off to bed, which presents practical problems when you’re sleeping in the same one.

A little while later, after some silent, back-to-back protests of disaffection, we were both still wide awake and feeling charged, and Rich’s alcohol-fried inhibitions and my pumping adrenalin fueled some long, hot sex. Rich being drunk and Me being pissed off seems to create the conditions for some kind of gay sex ‘perfect storm’; not only that, but our roles completely flip and Rich’s heightened aggression is the ideal match for my feelings of ultra submissiveness – but that’s for another post to dissect.

Two hours worth of gay fucking still didn’t tire us out, and we just ended up talking about all sorts of stuff: family, jobs, how we met, and then sex. Somehow the subject of threesomes came up; actually it’s not such a mystery, as one advantage of your partner being partially drunk and you being stone cold sober but also slightly suspicious, is that you can get away with asking subtly probing questions that your boyfriend isn’t as likely to pick up on. So, yes, with the green eyed monster rearing it’s ugly head, I brought up the subject, maybe looking for some sort of evidence in Rich’s response. I was completely knocked sideways, however, when it turned out that Rich isn’t against the idea.

Rich might have some occasionally wild ideas and tastes when it comes to sex between the two of us, but at the same time I’ve always seen him as very conventional when it comes to our relationship – heck, I’d pictured him proposing to me; a future with Rich that included gay marriage, kids and … well, we’ve already got the house in the suburbs. So, to hear him talking quite matter of factly about having a threesome, down to the details like rules and conditions, was kind of a shock. I went with it, not wanting to seem like the prude, and it led to us debating who could make up the ‘third’, again with some surprising suggestions from Rich!

I have done the threesome thing, but only as the invitee, and I’ve seen the negative effect it can have on couples. I did talk about it in my First Big Relationship, but only ever in a half-jokey way; mind you, I never did quite know how to take my first boyfriend’s general line that he’d want to get more in shape before he had a threesome – great, he didn’t mind having those extra pounds when it came to sex with me, but for anyone else…

Of course, fully recovered the next day, Rich had probably forgotten the conversation and I’ve not brought it up since, again a bit apprehensive about how he might respond and that talking about it could somehow precipitate is happening, and it’s not that I’m definitely against the idea, just less certain about our boundaries knowing that Rich is, apparently, well up for it. I think my lesson here is: don’t ask leading questions if there’s a possibility you might not like where it could lead.