So I found out last Friday that I am among the unfortunate minority to be given the boot in the first wave of redundancies at my work (there are sure to be others). For me it was never a forgone conclusion, but I was prepared for the worse. I’ve had itchy feet for a while and secretly been for a couple of interviews in the last few months. Although I was very careful not to let on at work, managers can usually pick up the scent of a worker planning to jump ship.

A very bad time to be made unemployed, but I’m hardly alone, even in my circle of friends. One of my mates lost his job nearer the start of the recession and I’m not quite sure how he’s been managing to get by in his present jobless situation, barely cutting back on his socialising – I’ll have to ask him for some tips!

Unsurprisingly, I felt the need to get very drunk on Friday night and this friend was out with us. We started coming up with more and more ingenious and elaborate ways to make money now we have all this time on our hands. We half joked about going into the gay porn business – I was recently interviewed for a job marketing a range of porn sites and, although I decided not to take it, it seemed like a business model to print money. The two guys running the websites, also the two who interviewed me, struck me as being utterly clueless, but are still raking in millions a year and employ about 20 staff. The two big things going for them are a devotion to the more extreme side of gay sex and a ten year head start.

My friend and I started trying to come up with original ideas for a gay porn site, and it’s not easy – everything has been done, including ladyboy dwarfs – and then everyone joined in. I came up with two good ones: guys secretly wanking in public, maybe with a butt plug inserted. They would be fully clothed and in a crowd and have to make their hand movements as discreet as possible, maybe even hands free. Who knows, it’s probably even be done.

I think my best idea was to have guys fucking the now-grown-up bully who picked on them when they were younger. There were loads of other ideas thrown up: straight men being blindfolded and given the male/female oral sex test (which must have been done); X-ray sex at airport Customs; sex with clowns; 100 metre wank, where guys masturbate on the top of tall buildings, trying to hit a target below. There were loads more, but I can’t remember them all. If you have any good ideas, comment below.