So I went along for my old school friend’s Stag Weekend (or Bachelor Party) as a straight, single guy and came back gay and in a relationship – quite a transformation in just two days.

I joke, but I was really nervous about going. I wasn’t out to any of the guys who would be there, including the friend getting married, and 48 hours can be a long time when you’re avoiding certain questions. In fact, I’d decided a while back to at least come out to the friend getting hitched – he was my best friend at school and if we’ve drifted apart since then it’s probably down to me wanting to avoid the big announcement.

I’ve come out to loads of people, all the ones that matter, except this old group of friends. It might seem strange that this one has been the hardest, but even though I’ve had little contact with these guys in recent years, they still see me in a particular way, the way they saw me 10 years ago, uncomplicated by sexuality and partners, and I really like that.

Of course, this doesn’t have to change, but of course it will. Some of them must have guessed that I’m gay, whether consciously or not – you can only put someone in the ‘not interested in dating’ bracket for so long – but maybe not.

And what a heterosexual weekend it turned out to be! If I was hoping for a little quiet alone time with my buddy, it wasn’t going to be easy. The drinking started the moment we all met up on the Saturday and didn’t stop, the lads getting louder and rowdier as it went on. The big event on Saturday night turned out to be a trip to a lap-dancing club, which was a bit like being a diabetic in a candyshop – it’s hard work spending all night getting out of a private dance, but I managed it, and they were some pushy women. I would just pay for my mate to have a solo show in my place – a pricey little strategy.

Then when we got back to his place (his fiancee safely away with her girl friends) he pulled out the porn – what else do you do after a night out? – and there we were, about 12 guys, all drunk and watching a pretty blond  getting more holes plugged than a leaky ship. There was lots more fun and games which all seemed to result in guys in the group losing items of clothing, wrestling or kissing each other as a forfeit. At one point there was an aborted attempt to strip the stag naked, carry him outside and tie him to something.

Eventually we all fell asleep or passed out and there were naked or semi-naked guys lying all over the place – come morning some of us seemed to be in some very strange positions. It made me realise that when I finally come out to all these guys, there’ll never be that same relaxed physical closeness with each other. It won’t quite be “backs to the wall,” but they’ll probably be more self-conscious about showing their bodies and touching. But it was nice to briefly get a taste of life on the other side.

I did finally get some time alone with my friend on the Sunday, on a walk to the local shop, and I was able to open up to him. He was absolutely fine and had wondered about me in the past. He also apologised for making me go to a strip club! Turns out another guy we were friends with at school, but who wasn’t there at the weekend and who had lost contact with all of us, well he’s been back in touch with one of them recently. He’s also gay and cut ties because he was so worried that none of the group would accept him. So sad, and what a shame that neither of us knew we weren’t the only one dealing with those feelings at school.