One of the worst things a girl friend whose boyfriend you secretly fancy can reveal to you is that said boyfriend likes it up the bum.

This happened to me and now it’s all I can think about. It was bad enough when I just had the hots for him, but at least it was safe, gay sex fantasy back then, because nothing was ever going to happen. Now the dividing fence between our sex lives has been kicked in a bit and I can see gaps big enough for me to climb through.

Boyfriends of straight friends are supposed to be the ones it’s okay to openly fancy within your own relationship. I have even dropped hints to one or two female friends in the past about my willingness to have sex with their man, but only when I was sure it was safe to (and usually with the aid of alcohol) – the worst thing possible would be for the guy to find out = friendship over.

I have been very careful not to say anything to Alison about my man-crash, which is why she is only too happen to give me the lowdown on their sex life. Finding out a straight guy you secretly fantasize about likes his girlfriend to fuck him with a strap-on is too horny for words. You start thinking all sort of things: if this guy likes to be penetrated, why wouldn’t he enjoy it from another man? The things he enjoys from his girlfriend – blow jobs, anal sex, getting rimmed! – well, I could do all those things to him (and probably better).

This line of thinking, that because a guy likes a stiff one in the arse he must like gay sex too, is like questioning why a gay man wouldn’t enjoy a female crack as much as a male one – it’s just a hole at the end of the day. But then, if you’re on all fours with your eyes closed, how much difference is there between warm, hard latex and warm, hard flesh?

It doesn’t help that Steve is such a nice guy, either. I’ve met few people as easygoing or genuine. He’s one of those straight guys that goes out of his way to show he’s absolutely fine with you being gay – he has a habit of accompanying me to the gents and chatting away while we pee next to each other. I really wish he wouldn’t do this, because having his cock out right next to me isn’t going to kill the fantasy.