You might have been in a relationship and found yourself wondering about your partner’s sexual tendencies; exactly how honest they’ve been with you up ’til now about what they like to do in bed, and if there are unspoken and unconventional urges beneath the surface of your gay sex life together.

I was once in a long-term relationship with a guy whom I suspected had all manner of deep/dark sexual desires, but he never opened up about it or explored them with me – classic madonna-whore complex. I was his ‘vanilla’ boyfriend – loving, yes, but not the stuff of his eye-popping fantasies!

He did talk about his early sexual adventures as a teenager, years before we dated. His weekends back then were a time for cruising shopping centres, catching the eye of ‘straight’ – often married – older men and playing an exciting game of cat and mouse with the promise of oral sex in a public toilet cubicle.

I always felt he was suppressing a part of his sexual identity when we were together and because of this was never completely happy in himself. I did make a stab at trying to cast myself in his erotic thoughts, even suggesting we fuck in a public toilet, but he never responded to my attempts.

This raises another point about how far down a sexual road you should go if it’s not your own particular bag, although you can often discover new sexual pleasures by following the lead of someone you trust.

Another guy I dated had a thing about gay sex when there’s a danger of being caught. He surprised me one night I went over to his: literally moments after ringing the doorbell he was pulling me outside to his back garden where he had set up an inflatable mattress, ready to seduce and fuck me outdoors in the moonlight and in full view of the surrounding buildings – I’m sure we gave a few neighbours some pretty graphic mental images that night!

I came across some extreme gay sex images on Rich’s computer recently and, obviously, it’s set me wondering if there’s more depth there to be explored. Of course, finding some graphic images of a very specific gay sex act doesn’t mean anything and I’ve got myself off looking at straight porn before – doesn’t mean I want to fuck a woman.

I’m sure it’s common across both gay and straight relationships, that people don’t always fit easily into their partners sexual fantasies, but then maybe that’s the challenge, to find a way. So, grease me up – I’m ready for that big fist!