It’s funny how you develop a very personal and unique language with you boyfriend after a time; things like running jokes that no one else would get, little skits you do to raise a smile and silly, alternative names you might give to things or other people.

Then there’s a kind of communication short hand that you use to save time and words. It’s things like not having to finish sentences or saying it with body language and primal grunting sounds (me, first thing in the morning).

I know guys used to say it with hankies in their back pocket when they wanted gay sex on the down-low: yellow for water-sports; black for S&M; left pocket for active and right if you were a bottom.

Now I realise Rich and I have created our own undie code when it comes to gay sex, which loosely goes something like this: brief usually equals brief; dark means dirty and tighty whities are good for vanilla sex – often a blow job or a bit of ‘ying and yang’ (69).

Jock straps are an obvious one, but there’s still signs to read. Your more athletic, sports jock screams power bottom, whereas a skimpier pair is a shoo-in for a passive trip to the bottom. I wouldn’t be caught dead in a thong!

Boxers can mean different things, the shape giving some clue, with a longer leg suggesting a more pro-active approach. Y-fronts just give off mixed signals during gay sex.

Of course there’s the danger of clashing, but we always seem to avoid that gay sex faux pas. And turning up commando means anything goes…