After starting a job, when is the right time to come out to your new work mates? If you come out too quickly you risk making your sexuality larger in other peoples’ minds than it should be and you’re not giving them the chance to get to know you on a personal level first. However, if you wait too long and continually dodge questions, it can seem you’re hiding something and not confident in yourself. Tricky.
I remember starting a call centre job with a load of other phone jockeys and on Day 1, while doing intros, this guy got up and announced to the group that he’s gay – steady, they only wanted your name!
I’ve been in my new job a few weeks now and have yet to drop into conversation the fact that I’m dating a guy – I’ve sidestepped this little revelation by referring to Rich only as “my partner”. Incidentally, when did straight people start using our conversational get-out-clause? Several people at work have been using this non-gender-specific description when talking about their loved ones, which has been a real red herring.
To tell you the truth, I’m quite enjoying the ambiguity I’m giving off – as soon as they know I’m gay it won’t be as much fun. There’s another new guy in the office who started at the same time as me and he’s always fishing, but without him asking directly if I’m gay, it’s all too easy to play this game of cat-and-mouse.
I think it’s best to just let these things come out naturally – we’ve got a work social coming up and a relaxed environment with alcohol is usually a good place to open up to colleagues – often you can learn more about someone you work with in one night at the pub than a whole year, side-by-side in the office.
The funny thing is I heard myself on an answer phone message the other day and I can’t believe how gay I sounded! Hopefully that’s just me being paranoid – I can’t be that obvious, otherwise people at work wouldn’t be in the dark.
On the other hand, this guy I mentioned is a very big, burly, macho-looking, married type. If you met him in a dark alley you’d make a quick retreat and probably would want a refund on that gay travel guide. In some ways he seems a very traditional bloke, but then he’s also got this progressive side to him too – he loves cooking, he watches girly movies and his local pub is very gay-friendly – apparently the ‘new man’ is not dead.
What with me trying to sound a little less gay and this guy working on his feminine side, we’ll hopefully meet somewhere in the middle (and not down a dark alleyway).
Out of the office
I remember starting a call centre job with a load of other phone jockeys and on Day 1, while doing intros, this guy got up and announced to the group that he’s gay – steady, they only wanted your name!
I’ve been in my new job a few weeks now and have yet to drop into conversation the fact that I’m dating a guy – I’ve sidestepped this little revelation by referring to Rich only as “my partner”. Incidentally, when did straight people start using our conversational get-out-clause? Several people at work have been using this non-gender-specific description when talking about their loved ones, which has been a real red herring.
To tell you the truth, I’m quite enjoying the ambiguity I’m giving off – as soon as they know I’m gay it won’t be as much fun. There’s another new guy in the office who started at the same time as me and he’s always fishing, but without him asking directly if I’m gay, it’s all too easy to play this game of cat-and-mouse.
I think it’s best to just let these things come out naturally – we’ve got a work social coming up and a relaxed environment with alcohol is usually a good place to open up to colleagues – often you can learn more about someone you work with in one night at the pub than a whole year, side-by-side in the office.
The funny thing is I heard myself on an answer phone message the other day and I can’t believe how gay I sounded! Hopefully that’s just me being paranoid – I can’t be that obvious, otherwise people at work wouldn’t be in the dark.
On the other hand, this guy I mentioned is a very big, burly, macho-looking, married type. If you met him in a dark alley you’d make a quick retreat and probably would want a refund on that gay travel guide. In some ways he seems a very traditional bloke, but then he’s also got this progressive side to him too – he loves cooking, he watches girly movies and his local pub is very gay-friendly – apparently the ‘new man’ is not dead.
What with me trying to sound a little less gay and this guy working on his feminine side, we’ll hopefully meet somewhere in the middle (and not down a dark alleyway).