A friend of mine has upset another friend by referring to his boyfriend as a “walking dildo” and suggesting they’re only together because the boyfriend is hot and they have an amazing gay sex life. Which was out of line and also missing the point.

We live in a culture that says we should value the intellectual above the physical and that giving someone’s looks or sexual performance equal or greater importance than, say, their ability to get from Point A to Point B without the aid of a SatNav is considered shallow. But why should this always be the case? I suspect if you’re reading this, then gay sex is among your Top 5 – maybe even your Top 3 – so picking a partner who’s going to sustain that over a long time is kind of important.

I’m not talking about rating gay sex above finding someone nice, because everybody has the potential to be decent and genuine, and all that’s really in the eye of the beholder anyway. No, I’m comparing sexual performance to other things that can be measured: IQ; income; profession; hair line; charitable donations…

If we stop and think for a minute, this whole ticking boxes thing when you’re in the dating market is a product of hetero selective breeding that dates back to our earliest ancestors: when men and women check each other out what they’re really doing is subconsciously selecting a mate that’s going to produce babies fit for the purpose, because some of the qualities their partner has are, of course, going to be passed down to their offspring.

So, historically, sexual performance really isn’t that important in a straight coupling, because the sex is just a means to an end. Whereas things like intelligence are important, because they will hopefully be passed onto the child, giving it an advantage.

Us gays, we don’t make babies and sex is no means to an end, it’s the end – full stop! We want something we can enjoy now, not something that might help future generations. Call it selfish, but if my friend chooses to base his relationship mainly on a great gay sex life, so what?