The end of a relationship always seems to be the same – in my experience, anyway. It reminds me of that scene in Animal Farm where the other animals are looking on and, to their dawning horror, the pigs start to resemble the former, human masters who the animals toppled, and history repeats.
I’m not really comparing mine and Rich’s break-up to such a disturbing scene, and it hasn’t been as horrible as all that; it’s just that as the relationship started its descent a few months back I kept thinking “haven’t I been here before?”
There’s always a period between realising to yourself it’s not working anymore and admitting the same to each other. This is the worst; at least after you’ve made it official you can move on.
It’s all about timings really. Should I end it this weekend? No, we’ve got that family ‘do’ – HIS family. Don’t want to leave him to face lots of painful questions alone; I’ll wait ‘til after; we’ll put on a brave front this weekend.
What about the weekend after? Getting close to his birthday – is it better to do it before or after? What’s less cruel? And so on…
Then, after you realise there is no right time and it’s gonna hurt you both comes the shallow realisation, among all the rough thoughts and emotions, that you’ll never get to have gay sex with this person again. Is it wrong to get a final screw in, something to remember them by, before you put your cards on the table?
Of course there’ll be the post-break-up sex, which is a whole different ball game, but you want to pay your respect to the gay sex life you’ve had together and mark its ending with a bang…
So, new chapter. Out with the Ex and in with the Sex (or something a little less cold-hearted).
8 Comments
Sorry to hear about your break-up. Your post reminded me of how it was when my -ex and I broke up. I was an emotional mess for awhile. You’re handling it a lot better than I did.
Take care of yourself.
Greg
Cheers Greg. I’ve had a month or so to get some perspective and avoid any bleeding heart posting!
Why does your post seem like you really don’t care?
Reading it back, I can see why you said that, but it was either hold back or open the floodgates and I always try and keep things light around here : )
Whatever everyone says, only you know and what you feel about the whole thing and you can only decide what is right or wrong for you… I want you to know that what ever the cause may have been, it’s in the past. We move on and make ourselves better by learning and making sure history does not repeat itself.
A HUG from me and be you and be yourself…
Down with the floodgates…what really happened? At what point did you realize that it wasn’t working out? Can life-long relationships even exist in the gay world?
x
fuck; never ends!