To steal a phrase from a famous sportswear brand, when it comes to gay sex, all those curious guys just need to do it!
I’ve known so many guys living the straight life who I’ve strongly suspected of having more than a passing curiosity about what gay men get up to in bed: they’re fishing for info; trying to get all the facts, like someone weighing up where to go on holiday.
You’ll always come across the straight guy who asks a few too many questions about being gay – in fact, what’s with the questions anyway? Just go on the Net and Google ‘gay’ – I’m sure this’ll be pretty enlightening.
But often a guy will get you on your own and suddenly come across all urgent – like a reporter trying to get to the heart of a story – asking you how and when you first knew you were gay etc. I remember a far-too-good-looking, apparently straight guy on my course at uni always with the questions, before he went off the rails a bit, and fell into an ever faster spiral of sex with a never-ending string of girls – all very emotionless; soulless, like trying to prove something.
The womanising hot guy sleeping and pursuing so many disposable women, never making a connection, at the same time showing a strong interest in your gay sex life, is a recurring theme. You always wonder if the pussy is a smokescreen.
Then again with some straight guys it’s more subtle, more unspoken, just a heat between the two of you – and that’s fucking hot! I can think of a couple of straight friends I’ve got so close to that it’s eventually felt like a gay relationship without the sex – and they both went on to have long-term girlfriends.
One of these friends, Alex, I was so sure was gay when I first met him – a common (mis)conception about him – and there was an instant attraction between us, even if he didn’t fully appreciate it. I met him through work – we started on the same day – and we’d end up spending all our breaks together and then a lot of extra-curricular time.
I totally had the hots for Alex – in fact it was a lot more than that: I had real emotional attachment to Alex to the point that I’d miss him if he didn’t come in to work. And it wasn’t just a one-way thing: Alex was really sweet to me, always lighting up when we were together and buying me thoughtful, personal little gifts, like when I left the job – how gay is that?!
But, alas, Alex had a girlfriend and she was a friend too and I wasn’t about to rock the boat. One time Alex invited me over for what turned out to be a romantic dinner, candles and all, just the two of us. Again it was really sweet that he went to the effort, ‘cos his cooking stank!
I thought about trying something on with Alex that night and there was a moment on the sofa when it came close, but like I said before, it was too complicated and there’s always the danger that you’ve read it %100 wrong with guys you suspect are gay, and it would be game over.
After that ‘date’ I cooled things between me and Alex, for my own sake really. I’m sure the guy just needed a push, and maybe a night of hot gay sex would have done it, but there was too much emotion at stake.
I always joke to Rich about how his friend, Sarah’s, boyfriend follows him around when they all meet up – especially into the Gents! The more drunk they get the more physical the boyfriend gets with Rich – piggybacking down the street, flirting, long hugs, that kind of thing. And this guy never seems that close or even very into Sarah if you ask me – just another lost, gay-curious guy looking for a life-raft?
So, to all those smoke-screening, questioning, emotion-toying, gay following, curious guys: the time for talk is over; just try it, just have gay sex and see if you like it. Doesn’t mean anything; it’s not like signing a binding contract; it’s just experimenting; it’s just sex – even if you like it, doesn’t mean you’re gay, straight up.
Next time a guy asks me how you know if you’re gay, I hope I have the balls to grab his, kiss him and say “if you enjoyed that, that’s how…”
It’s funny how you develop a very personal and unique language with you boyfriend after a time; things like running jokes that no one else would get, little skits you do to raise a smile and silly, alternative names you might give to things or other people.
Have you heard about this new gay cruising app for your iPhone called
Fuck Valentine’s Day!
This year, however, Rich and me decided to say “fuck it” to VD day – quite literally. We turned the whole weekend into a gay sex-a-thon to try and recapture the magic.
Do you know, my limbs and some less general body parts haven’t stopped aching since – even 3 hours in the gym has never felt like such an all over body workout as this 2.5 days of non-stop gay sex (minus meals, freshening up and watching G.I. Joe on DVD – Channing Tatum in latex will do it).
The idea was to take the phone off the hook, shut the curtains, whack the heating up, stay near-total naked and do nothing but fuck for the entire weekend, holding off climaxing ’til the very end.
Gay sex is very different when you take the money shot out of the equation, because it’s now 100% about the journey, not the destination, which changes your focus and you don’t just stick to the well trodden path – you can take a meandering route and explore stuff (yes, I am still talking about gay sex!).
So we both became more creative and used what was around us for inspiration. Drinking a JD and Coke, for instance, might start you wondering where you could stick that ice cube that might be fun… plus you don’t want to be repetitive (and there’s 60 hours to fill!), so you try all sorts of positions (hence the aching).
And because the gay sex rule book has been thrown out the window, there’s no expectation about how long each bout should last – you might fuck for 2 hours without stopping, or just fumble for 5 minutes, then have a break. Gay sex becomes completely spontaneous.
Another side effect of spending most of the weekend fucking, but not cumming, is that everything you do, even when you’re not having sex, becomes sexual… making a drink, you’re still aroused so you start thinking about things you can do to him and then – bam – you’re hard again!
So, how long did we last until releasing two very pent-up loads? We made it ’til sunday morning! And, do you know what, I was really glad to just put my feet up afterwards and have a cup of tea.